Painful Persistent Joy

“Better to go to the house of weeping than to go to the banquet house, because this is the end of all the children of men, and The Living One gives good to his heart.

Ecclesiastes 7:2

Six years ago today I was put in and have remained in ”The House Of Weeping.” It has taught me so much and dare I say become my comfort, like aching bones in a soft bed sadness has wrapped me in a giant bear hug and nearly strangled me.

When my soul cries out as it can’t take any more there my God is and I am gifted with a tangible awareness of the suffering of others and of self. I am aware of His mercy poured into this ravenous hole in my heart, the chasm that can only be filled by His love. I am aware that He was “A weeping savior.” He “longed to gather His children.” He “forgave the unforgivable.” He is ”the balm of Gilead.” He is alive and ever present in my pain and “He carries my sorrows.”

Mourning has been a horrible and glorious gift it has caused me to rely on and hope in the persistent Joy to come while having my heart broken for the tragedies that just for now seem to be prevailing. It has taught me what I thought I knew before death, but honestly had no clue. Can I thank God for taking my son, can I praise Him for the tragedy, or do I only want His happy and fancy tickling gifts? ”Good people pass away; the godly often die before their time. But no one seems to care or wonder why. No one seems to understand that God is protecting them from the evil to come.” Isaiah 57:1 NLT Do I dare to believe this? Yes is my answer, but I’m not saying yes doing cartwheels and jumping in blindly, this is a convicted heart tore out of my flesh yes! I trust in the Joy to come and I trust in the Savior that slays me. I trust all gifts even the most grievious ones are for”’My good and His glory.” THANK YOU LORD for the weeping THANK YOU LORD for the pain. THANK YOU LORD for your Joy that pursues me in my darkest hours. ”Weeping may endure for a night, but JOY comes in the morning.” Psalm 30:5